Josie's Writing Portfolio

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Josie's Writing Portfolio
I am a children’s writer as well as a writer of adult fiction and non-fiction. There are sometimes crossovers, especially with such things as animation, but in the main this page features my adult writing. I write children’s fiction under a pseudonym to try to keep the two separate. So some of these pieces are for Adult Viewing Only, and others are Adult Only Recommended. You have been warned.

Please Note: My work remains my copyright whether posted online or published in print. I am generally happy for it to be reproduced with my permission and with due credit given to me. If you’d like me to write for you, please ask. If you don’t ask then you don’t have the right to reproduce my work. Thank-you for listening.

Contents list

Novels

Short Stories

Seven Days published by Legend Press

Blogging

Broadcast

My Writing on ScribD links to stories, extracts and articles

YouWriteOn links to stories and chapters

WritersBeat links to stories, articles and poems

Poetry on this site

Animations

Eve’s Wish my first ever story in print 1996

Blue Murder Events a murder mystery company

Velvet Magazine Regular Adult Only Recommended

PlanetSappho Adult Viewing Only

Novels
I have written four complete novels. The first is in a locked cupboard and will never be seen again, until I become a bestselling author and will drag it out to remind myself that everyone has to start somewhere. The second was a children’s novel and was shortlisted for a prize. The third, Silence was the novel I wrote for my MA in Creative Writing, is an enormous feat of literary effort and will be published in July 2008 by Legend Press who published my story Sunday in Seven Days. For more detail click here for Silence. The fourth is currently on the Bestsellers List at YouWriteOn.com and I hope I will find a publisher for this one soon, see Leif, below.

I also have a number of incomplete novels, the most prominent one at the moment is Clean Water, which is also on the YWO Bestsellers List. I have hundreds of ideas for novels which I keep in notebooks because I’m concentrating on promoting the ones I have already written before I begin any more.

Short Stories
I love to read and write short stories, and find them complementary to novels rather than a substitute. There is a different level gratification to be had from completing a short story, either as writer or reader. I have a large portfolio of unpublished shorts, which I am gradually dragging out, touching up and posting online in various places. See particularly YouWriteOn and WritersBeat, below. For my thoughts on short stories, and a link to an article on theshortstory.org.uk website, see also my Short Story Page.

Seven Days
Originally titled Ninety-Five my 9000 word story features an elderly lesbian reminiscing on her long life while also dealing with the mundane incidents characteristic of living in a residential home. Sunday was published in Seven Days anthology by Legend Press in February 2007.

Seven Days extract This pdf document contains a single page from the 9,000 word short story.

Blogging
I keep a regular blog hosted by WordPress and others. I call them my Globs of Wisdom, which is ironic of course. To keep my hoards of fans updated I’ve gone a-globbing. For all information of my latest ventures, and where I’ll be appearing, either with my magazine or book, podcast, artwork or animations go to the globs.

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Broadcast

Click here to get your own player. I am very excited by the PodCasting phenomenon. Casting Pods, my podcast is now live. The first show was uploaded on 27th June 2007. Bad Jokes, Barking Dogs And Undercooked Fish Fingers. see the Casting Pods site for more information, transcripts etc.

If you need to rewind and fast-forward, you can get a more elaborate player here.

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My Writing on ScribD
In August 2007 I joined ScribD, a file-sharing repository. I shared an extract from my story Sunday published in the Seven Days anthology (see above). I’ve also selected random blog entries and extracts from my podcast to include on my ScribD file list, and intend to add previously published stories and extracts. I was pleasantly surprised to find that 'Sunday' was number 2 in the ‘most popular today’ list, having 300+ views for 'Sunday' and 500+ profile views from all over the world, just in my first day.

YouWriteOn links to stories and chapters
YouWriteOn is a site for reciprocal reviewing, sponsored by the Arts Council. For more information about this site, see my Online Writing Page

YWO authors have the option to upload their own images for the books. These images have all been created by me, each is slightly different. Resurrection has a computer generated design to go with the theme, Clean Water has an acrylic painting of the lake at Aberdulais, and Leif has an embroidery of the stern of a ship, a larger version of which can be seen on my Embroidery Page.

An explanation of chart places: the YWO chart changes every day according to ranking scores given to the stories or chapters by peer reviewers. Every month, the top five pieces get a professional review by a literary agent or editor. Then they get a place in the hallowed ‘Best Sellers’ list, which includes the chance to win the end of year prize for best submission.

On July 1st I found out that Resurrection had secured a place in the Best Sellers and was extremely pleased. It went in at Number 2 in Gay and Lesbian Fiction genre, Number 7 in Literary Fiction, and Number 3 in Short Stories. Michael Legat gave me a review and I’m working on a new edit for the story based on his feedback so that it can be submitted for a YouWriteOn short story anthology.

There are hundreds of stories and chapters on YWO so getting to within the Top Twenty is a feat in itself, and getting to first place was amazing. I took a screen shot on the day that Resurrection was at Number 1 and Clean Water at Number 3.

On August 1st to my amazement, both Clean Water and Leif the Runtling won a place in the bestsellers. I have also had professional reviews for these.

Other YWO authors will be pleased to hear that I don’t intend to upload any more stories or chapters to the site (at least not this year) but will continue to review other peoples’ writing. Have a read of some of the feedback and comments on my writing and you’ll see why I’m addicted to this site!

Resurrection (Short Story) Highest Place in Chart #1 BEST SELLER
Gay/Lesbian Fiction, Literary Fiction

Nell works as a computer programmer and statistician in an NHS Trust and discovers that her manager is committing fraud by manipulating figures to fit targets. Revised short story previously posted on YouWriteOn as ‘Death and Resurrection’.

Samples of critiques for Resurrection
"This is a refreshingly well-written and original short story. The dialogue and characterizations are superb, and the narrator’s voice is impeccably sustained throughout. We are given exactly the information we need, without excessive explanations. The details are well chosen. Your themes are strong, but you’re not beating us over the head with them, and we appreciate that.

I have to say I loved this line: “I have more integrity.” This simple declarative sentence sets her up so perfectly for that moment when she has to decide whether she’s willing to pay the price of that integrity.

I read a lot of short stories, and most of them are forgettable. This one isn’t. This is the type of story that haunts the reader for a long time. Well done."

"I loved your story. I think you strike a beautiful balance between personal and professional tensions and their interaction, and I love the unresolved ending."

"I believe it is a writer's duty to make the reader think as well as entertain, so for themes/ideas I have given you a 5. Somewhere there is a Nell facing that challenge. Probably lots of Nells. You tell 'em, Josie."

Extract of professional review for Resurrection
About the Reviewer: Michael Legat After a highly successful career in publishing, mostly as Editorial Director firstly of Corgi Books and later of Cassell, Michael Legat became a full-time writer and tutor of Creative Writing. He has published five novels and eighteen non-fiction books, the latter including the Best Sellers An Author's Guide to Publishing and Writing for Pleasure and Profit.

Website: www.bookends.clara.net

This is a fascinating story. It begins, as it should, at a moment of crisis, and the tension builds until a strong ending is reached. The main plot-line is carefully developed, and is the more effective for the economical and often elliptical approach which is used. It is backed by some excellent characterisation, especially of the narrator and Jane – their relationship is clearly portrayed in some depth – and the author also brings to life the minor characters, such as Mr Clayton, Susie and Prof Green, with a few telling phrases and dialogue which always sounds natural and appropriate for whoever is speaking it. I enjoyed too the little touches like tea in the Tigger mug and coffee in the Eeyore mug which establish another part of Nell’s character and her relationship with Jane.

Thank you for submitting such an interesting bit of writing. I’m afraid I cannot say anything with any confidence about the likelihood of getting it published, but since the characters are so real and interesting and the central subject, spin, is one with which we are all familiar, I would think that you might find a magazine to take it. I certainly hope so, and I wish you good fortune.

Michael Legat

Clean Water (Opening Chapters) Highest Place in Chart #2 BEST SELLER
Gay/Lesbian Fiction, Novel, Science Fiction, Fantasy

In a future dystopia, clean water is scarce. Britain has become a dangerous place for anyone not a member of the Christian-Muslim Alliance. Mayaa finds a baby on her doorstep which leads to her and her lover Rhiannon having to leave their home. Note, this has been updated a second time.

Samples of critiques for Clean Water
"I was drawn into a terrifying future made more sinister by the reality of it all. The themes and ideas are intelligently developed so that long after reading you are disquieted by such a bleak vision. The clever reversal of the Neighbourhood Watch as we know it, the Eye and the Oil Allocation Act all ring so very true. Every detail of the lives of Mayaa and Rhiannon has been thought through.

Congratulations for such an exciting project and thank you for such a good read."

"Great stuff - well written, well paced and with an excellent introduction to the big bad new world that doesn't trample all over the smaller, more human story within. This was an interesting premise very well handled, with clean, unembellished writing and some nice human touches to keep the whole thing grounded."

"I thought it was great. An intelligent action packed funny poignant distopic road story. I like the main characters, especially their humour and unwillingness to be fearful. Clean Water has also got a touch of Starhawk’s eco-future-thriller-alternative medicine-magic-adventures.

I often wonder how Britain would face adversity like this. Would we all kill each other or ultimately are we kind?"

"Hi - Just read your chapters - had only intended to have a quick look but ended up being gripped by the story and characters. Your style is very clear and sounds professional. It's a great read and I look forward to reading more."

Extract of professional review for Clean Water
About the Reviewer: Martyn Bedford has published five novels: the critically acclaimed Acts of Revision, which won the Yorkshire Post Best First Work Award; Exit, Orange and Red; The Houdini Girl, which is currently being developed for film; and Black Cat. Martyn is a former lecturer in creative writing at Manchester University and an occasional tutor in novel writing for the Arvon Foundation. Martyn has been a judge for the Betty Trask Awards, and is co-founder of the manuscript appraisal service Literary Intelligence. His fifth novel, The Island of Lost Souls, was published in paperback by Bloomsbury in July 2007.

As a professional critic-in-residence for YouWriteOn, I get to read a wide range of fiction (from westerns to children’s adventure novels, from horror to historical romance) and quite often it’s way outside the comfort zone of my own writing/reading preoccupations. This is one of the pleasures of the role, as well as one of its challenges. But I must say that having just published a speculative novel (The Island of Lost Souls) set in a dystopian near-future it was a rare and fascinating treat to read your foray into this sub-genre of sf. We are in good company, these days. Science fiction and fantasy writers have long-since explored this terrain, of course, but in recent years a number of mainstream “literary” authors have followed their trail. You cite Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (one of my all-time favourite novels, by the way), and she has turned to an imagined future again more recently in Oryx & Crake; then there’s Kazuo Ishiguro (Never Let Me Go); Rupert Thomson (Divided Kingdom); and Will Self (The Book of Dave). Of particular interest to you, perhaps, might be Jim Crace’s latest novel, The Pesthouse, and Cormac McCarthy’s The Road both of which are set in a ravaged post-apocalyptic landscape where the central characters embark on long, dangerous journeys towards some promised or imagined realm (pushing all their worldly goods in a shopping cart, in the McCarthy). Sarah Hall also has a novel just out, called The Carhullan Army, set in a future Britain laid waste by floods, terrorism and economic crisis, ruled by a draconian, patriarchal authority, and in which the heroine sets off to join a renegade community of women in the hills. You may already be aware of some or all of these titles, but I mention them as possible background reading and to see how other writers have handled similar themes and storylines. Also, to flag up just how buoyant the market is for speculative fiction at the moment, in these post-9/ll, religious fundamentalist, environmentally precarious times.

As you’ll see, below, I’ve set out some general and specific notes on your extract under the respective chapter headings. If it appears that these comments are short on praise, high on constructive criticism, this is a reflection of the fact that critical feedback, ultimately, is much more useful to the writer if it focuses on areas (and suggestions) for improvement. As it happens, I liked your excerpt a lot it’s clear from your YWO biog, but also from the writing itself, that you are among the more experienced, more developed writers on the site. And, of course, this has been recognised by your fellow members in voting your sample from Clean Water and your other novel-in-progress into the charts, against plenty of competition. So, do please try to hold on to that when I bang on about the aspects of your work which in one critic’s opinion might require some attention if this great idea for a novel is to fulfil its potential. I hope my input is helpful.

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WritersBeat links to stories, articles and poems
WritersBeat is a Writing community and forum. For more information about this site, see my Online Writing Page. I joined WritersBeat in January 2007 and in May was made a staff member (critic). I was also named ‘Writer of the Month’ in May. Winners of the competitions get published in the WB magazine Writers’ Club and I was in the April/May issue and am also featured in the June/July issue.

A selection of what I consider my best work that was posted in the public area of WB is below, for a full list of all my work on WB, see my WB Profile.

In April 2007 the WritersBeat.com magazine was redesigned and one of my tribal design pictures was used on the cover. See my Tribal Art Page for the original image. If you view the larger image, you'll also see a photo of me on the cover here.

Into The Swim (Short Story)
A stream of consciousness piece of flash fiction about a swimmer who finds freedom in the water.

Praise for Into The Swim
"I enjoyed reading this. I liked how you slowly hinted at the fact that the speaker might be paralyzed or crippled until you finally get to the point where you tell us he/she (not really clear, but I figured it wasn't supposed to be) was in "the accident." That was well-done, so good work."

"I liked it! That was some pretty powerful imagery. Nice work!"

"I liked it. I was looking for a towel after I read it. I liked the determination she shows. Life goes on whether its one step or stroke at a time."

"Wondeful writing! I really liked your descriptions. This was my favourite:
"The hairs on my forearms catch points of air. "
This is wonderful too: "My face in the cool pool water; my arms reaching ever forwards; blue surrounds me; drumming on my ears and nothing in my way." "

My Paranormal Experience (Non-Fiction)
This won the WB non-fiction competition in May 2007, where a personal paranormal experience was the topic. I wrote about astral projection.

Judges’ comments for My Paranormal Experience
Wonderfully written, you’ve showed us realistically how scary it is to feel trapped with no actual way of getting out except for waking up. Score: 20/20

Your story outlined your experiences very well, and importantly, told the tale without a ton of physical description. You included the emotional side of such an experience as well, bringing your story alive for the reader. Nicely done! Score: 20/20

Really interesting! There are a few sentences and descriptions that seem extraneous, but with some tightening up, this would be incredibly suspenseful. Strong tie to the theme. Score: 17.5/20

Extra comment: Your story was phenomenal. You deserved it. Now go write more - you're very talented.

The Perils of Online Shopping (Poem)
This was a silly limerick written for the WB competition in March 2007, the first poem I wrote in years. It was fun to write, and even more fun that I won the comp! Inspired me to further feats of greatness, lol.

Judges’ comments for The Perils of Online Shopping
Rhymed perfectly, excellent rhythm and funny as well Terrific piece! Score: 20/20

I can't say that I properly get all the British references, but I love this one! Great rhythm and flow and funny to boot. Score: 19/20

The 3rd and 4th lines don’t rhyme perfectly (unless I say it with a really quirky accent) but this was very clever and funny. Score: 18.5/20

Reincarnacat (Poem)
This poem was prompted by the April WB poetry competition, which had a theme of ‘epitaphs’. I wrote this after having a conversation that I think I was a cat in a past life, and this would be my own epitaph. It came a close second with 18.7/20. In retrospect it is probably more of a lament, but I still love it.

Judges’ comments for Reincarnacat
As usual you proved your worth. Even if the first part confused me the second explained it, the last brought it together. Good going. Score: 19/20

Loved it. A clever title for a clever idea. Score: 18/20

Great job! Loved the title and the last line in particular. Excellent work. Score: 19/20

Seven Deadly Days (Poem)
This was entered for the June WB poetry competition, whose theme is ‘The Seven Deadly Sins’. I was mulling over the theme and it occurred to me that it took seven days to create the world, what if each of those days could correspond to a sin? The easy ones were the first day (only anger could split the dark and light) and the last day (laziness of course), but I had fun fitting the others in.

It came a close third with 18.25 (first was 18.75 and second 18.5, that's how close).

Judges’ comments for Seven Deadly Days
As usual you have written wonderfully. My biggest problem was the repetition in the beginning. The first sentences of each phrase was understandable but could there have been other words that could have been used besides the word ‘I ’. Score: 18/20

LOL, the lust stanza made me laugh. This was a joy to read. Score: 18.5/20

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Poetry on this site
Strange to say that until recently my best poems were written at the tender age of 18, but I came to see writing poetry as being pretentious and was embarrassed about it in my early twenties. Now I'm getting back into writing poetry again, some of it intermingled with my prose. I have WritersBeat.com and their competitions to thank for this, and also Ambit Magazine for inspiring me. For poetry on this site, see my Poetry Page, for my poetry on WB, see above.

Animations
Animation is an excellent way to combine my three main creative areas – writing, art and programming. I have written several animation scripts, two of which have been made into films. I’m now experimenting with creating my own animations and games, for more on this see my Animations Page.

Eve’s Wish my first ever story in print 1996
I’ve always been rather proud that my first ever published story was an erotic story in the magazine The Common Denominator, but annoyed that I can’t blow my trumpet about this too much, especially when writing for children, lol. Well I discovered recently that I’d been lying all along! I actually had a short story published in a magazine earlier than this, but I never knew it was published nor saw a copy!

The archived back copies of this magazine have been going online recently, and so when I did a Google search on my name (which I do regularly just to see what’s happening with my work) it appeared.

The story was called Eve’s Wish and was published in The Federation of Working Writers & Community Publishers (FWWCP) magazine in Spring 1996. You could have knocked me down with a feather when I saw it, as I barely even remember submitting the story, though I do remember meeting the FWWCP group way back when I was still a ‘wannabe’ and not yet a ‘be’. Check out Issue 7 Spring 1996 - Eve’s Wish on page 22.

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I am writing character profiles for a murder mystery event managing company, Blue Murder Events. This is great fun, and really gets my imagination going. I can’t tell you much about the characters I’m writing, but the project I'm involved with is called Under The Hammer.

Velvet Magazine Regular Adult Only Recommended
I regularly contribute to Velvet Magazine, a quarterly glossy for thinking lesbians. I'm also the webmistress for their site, and after taking on the task of editing submissions I am on the editorial team. The cover image to the left (issue 4 May 2005) is me, photo taken by my partner.

Some pieces I have written for Velvet are available online at PlanetSappho.com (see PlanetSappho below for a list).

In November 2006, I helped on the Velvet stall at York Lesbian Arts Festival (YLAF) where I met some of my writing heroes including Fiona Cooper, Manda Scott and Radclyffe, as well as meeting new people such as Joan Opyr, who I am interviewing for the magazine. I also caught a glimpse of Val McDermid from a distance, wow!

PlanetSappho Adult Viewing Only
Selected articles of mine and other Velvet writers are at PlanetSappho.com. Initially, I approached this company asking if they’d like to advertise in Velvet magazine. We sent them a couple of back copies, and they were so impressed with my writing that they asked if they could publish the content online in a new ‘lesbian writing’ area of their site. Of course we readily agreed as this would generate publicity for Velvet. We also entered into discussion about some new content, which I am happy to provide for payment.

My articles online are:

Who Was Sappho?

The Civil Partnership Of Alys And Josie

Bisexuals Join The Party

What Not To Wear (in collaboration with Alys)

Dieting And Weight Loss (Warning: may contain nuts...)

I add more regularly, so please check the PlanetSappho site.

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Josie's Writing Home Page
This site is written and maintained by myself, see my Web Development Page for details of my web design work. Hosted by 1&1.

Small Ads sponsored by Google are not necessarily endorsed by me.

	Resurrection (Short Story) Highest Place in Chart #1 BEST SELLER Gay/Lesbian Fiction, Literary Fiction Nell works as a computer programmer and statistician in an NHS Trust and discovers that her manager is committing fraud by manipulating figures to fit targets. Revised short story previously posted on YouWriteOn as ‘Death and Resurrection’.
Samples of critiques for Resurrection "This is a refreshingly well-written and original short story. The dialogue and characterizations are superb, and the narrator’s voice is impeccably sustained throughout. We are given exactly the information we need, without excessive explanations. The details are well chosen. Your themes are strong, but you’re not beating us over the head with them, and we appreciate that. I have to say I loved this line: “I have more integrity.” This simple declarative sentence sets her up so perfectly for that moment when she has to decide whether she’s willing to pay the price of that integrity. I read a lot of short stories, and most of them are forgettable. This one isn’t. This is the type of story that haunts the reader for a long time. Well done." "I loved your story. I think you strike a beautiful balance between personal and professional tensions and their interaction, and I love the unresolved ending." "I believe it is a writer's duty to make the reader think as well as entertain, so for themes/ideas I have given you a 5. Somewhere there is a Nell facing that challenge. Probably lots of Nells. You tell 'em, Josie." Extract of professional review for Resurrection About the Reviewer: Michael Legat After a highly successful career in publishing, mostly as Editorial Director firstly of Corgi Books and later of Cassell, Michael Legat became a full-time writer and tutor of Creative Writing. He has published five novels and eighteen non-fiction books, the latter including the Best Sellers An Author's Guide to Publishing and Writing for Pleasure and Profit. Website: www.bookends.clara.net This is a fascinating story. It begins, as it should, at a moment of crisis, and the tension builds until a strong ending is reached. The main plot-line is carefully developed, and is the more effective for the economical and often elliptical approach which is used. It is backed by some excellent characterisation, especially of the narrator and Jane – their relationship is clearly portrayed in some depth – and the author also brings to life the minor characters, such as Mr Clayton, Susie and Prof Green, with a few telling phrases and dialogue which always sounds natural and appropriate for whoever is speaking it. I enjoyed too the little touches like tea in the Tigger mug and coffee in the Eeyore mug which establish another part of Nell’s character and her relationship with Jane. Thank you for submitting such an interesting bit of writing. I’m afraid I cannot say anything with any confidence about the likelihood of getting it published, but since the characters are so real and interesting and the central subject, spin, is one with which we are all familiar, I would think that you might find a magazine to take it. I certainly hope so, and I wish you good fortune. Michael Legat
	Clean Water (Opening Chapters) Highest Place in Chart #2 BEST SELLER Gay/Lesbian Fiction, Novel, Science Fiction, Fantasy In a future dystopia, clean water is scarce. Britain has become a dangerous place for anyone not a member of the Christian-Muslim Alliance. Mayaa finds a baby on her doorstep which leads to her and her lover Rhiannon having to leave their home. Note, this has been updated a second time.
Samples of critiques for Clean Water "I was drawn into a terrifying future made more sinister by the reality of it all. The themes and ideas are intelligently developed so that long after reading you are disquieted by such a bleak vision. The clever reversal of the Neighbourhood Watch as we know it, the Eye and the Oil Allocation Act all ring so very true. Every detail of the lives of Mayaa and Rhiannon has been thought through. Congratulations for such an exciting project and thank you for such a good read." "Great stuff - well written, well paced and with an excellent introduction to the big bad new world that doesn't trample all over the smaller, more human story within. This was an interesting premise very well handled, with clean, unembellished writing and some nice human touches to keep the whole thing grounded." "I thought it was great. An intelligent action packed funny poignant distopic road story. I like the main characters, especially their humour and unwillingness to be fearful. Clean Water has also got a touch of Starhawk’s eco-future-thriller-alternative medicine-magic-adventures. I often wonder how Britain would face adversity like this. Would we all kill each other or ultimately are we kind?" "Hi - Just read your chapters - had only intended to have a quick look but ended up being gripped by the story and characters. Your style is very clear and sounds professional. It's a great read and I look forward to reading more." Extract of professional review for Clean Water About the Reviewer: Martyn Bedford has published five novels: the critically acclaimed Acts of Revision, which won the Yorkshire Post Best First Work Award; Exit, Orange and Red; The Houdini Girl, which is currently being developed for film; and Black Cat. Martyn is a former lecturer in creative writing at Manchester University and an occasional tutor in novel writing for the Arvon Foundation. Martyn has been a judge for the Betty Trask Awards, and is co-founder of the manuscript appraisal service Literary Intelligence. His fifth novel, The Island of Lost Souls, was published in paperback by Bloomsbury in July 2007. As a professional critic-in-residence for YouWriteOn, I get to read a wide range of fiction (from westerns to children’s adventure novels, from horror to historical romance) and quite often it’s way outside the comfort zone of my own writing/reading preoccupations. This is one of the pleasures of the role, as well as one of its challenges. But I must say that having just published a speculative novel (The Island of Lost Souls) set in a dystopian near-future it was a rare and fascinating treat to read your foray into this sub-genre of sf. We are in good company, these days. Science fiction and fantasy writers have long-since explored this terrain, of course, but in recent years a number of mainstream “literary” authors have followed their trail. You cite Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (one of my all-time favourite novels, by the way), and she has turned to an imagined future again more recently in Oryx & Crake; then there’s Kazuo Ishiguro (Never Let Me Go); Rupert Thomson (Divided Kingdom); and Will Self (The Book of Dave). Of particular interest to you, perhaps, might be Jim Crace’s latest novel, The Pesthouse, and Cormac McCarthy’s The Road both of which are set in a ravaged post-apocalyptic landscape where the central characters embark on long, dangerous journeys towards some promised or imagined realm (pushing all their worldly goods in a shopping cart, in the McCarthy). Sarah Hall also has a novel just out, called The Carhullan Army, set in a future Britain laid waste by floods, terrorism and economic crisis, ruled by a draconian, patriarchal authority, and in which the heroine sets off to join a renegade community of women in the hills. You may already be aware of some or all of these titles, but I mention them as possible background reading and to see how other writers have handled similar themes and storylines. Also, to flag up just how buoyant the market is for speculative fiction at the moment, in these post-9/ll, religious fundamentalist, environmentally precarious times. As you’ll see, below, I’ve set out some general and specific notes on your extract under the respective chapter headings. If it appears that these comments are short on praise, high on constructive criticism, this is a reflection of the fact that critical feedback, ultimately, is much more useful to the writer if it focuses on areas (and suggestions) for improvement. As it happens, I liked your excerpt a lot it’s clear from your YWO biog, but also from the writing itself, that you are among the more experienced, more developed writers on the site. And, of course, this has been recognised by your fellow members in voting your sample from Clean Water and your other novel-in-progress into the charts, against plenty of competition. So, do please try to hold on to that when I bang on about the aspects of your work which in one critic’s opinion might require some attention if this great idea for a novel is to fulfil its potential. I hope my input is helpful.